So…im starting to wrap up my saga here in Korea. Am i going to miss this place? Yes. Its been so fun yet…so not fun lol. Its kind of a bitter sweet feeling.i love this place….yet i feel so bittter towards it b/c of the trouble it has. Anyway…i thought i had more to say but apparently the sleep is kicking in for it is 315 am here….yes i know…i havnt been able to sleep peacefully in a month or so….deal with it =).

So…ive just finished reading the book Redeeming Love for the millionth time…and this time i found something new. Instead of Michael Hosea…i find myself feeling like Angel…and i dont know why. Actually…i do know why. I what,i keep running…but from what i do not know. Is it my fear of the unknown…or my fear of actually knowing. Regardless…ive realized im running from nothing. What happened to the man who would conquer things of this nature? What happened to the man that would take things as they came and would say “oh well…thats God at work”, with a shrug? Hmmm…he hasnt left…nor is he hidden…hes just…rebuilding. Rebuilding what he thought was the correct way of things. Let me tell you something…being here…”forming” a “ministry”…its not easy. Do what i do…without another person aiding you…comforting you along the way…and you will hurt like i have. And its been hard. Both emotionally and spiritually. Would i do it over again? no. Would i have someone there with me next time i did it….absolutely. And with that my friends…This is Kris Bernard…signing off..

So…as im sitting here in my room, waiting for the song i made to finish rendering, i come across one of my friends’ myspace profile. Well, he has a fiance, and lo and behold, his fiance happens to be the same girl that another one of the soldiers here is haveing an intimate relationship with.

“Well,” i thought to myself “this could get a little awkward.”

Needless to say, i didnt tell him about it because apparently he found out the very same day that i did…what a coincidence huh? Yeah….3 things you should always remember when you are in a relationship…Mind your manners, mind your company…and for goodness sakes, if you feel like you cant trust that person, just go on their personal websites…im pretty sure youll find what your looking for.

Yeah I know….dont pay attention to the vulgarity of this song…but just ‘listen’ to what hes saying…you can find this song on you tube…as a matter of fact…here…. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxHQKUNxzsA

Lady Brown

(feat. Cise Starr (from CYNE))

[Verse 1:]
Crush a coal to a diamond
Eyes forever shining
Your beauty alone inspire a niggah to rhyming
Thinking of the better things in life
Thinking of how I could persuade you to become my wife
Hand in hand as we floating over tropical sands
You my lady, I’m ya man
So let’s futher advance to the next scene
Me sleeping next to you resting
You are the personification of all God’s blessings
Coming to me in just one physical being
One physical dream that I wanna redeem
You’re Voluptuous
Sweet caramel brown honeydew
Satin skin smooth to the touch, what a niggah do
So sensual
Her smile like a chemical extract of perfection
Rare mineral
She smell like a happy birthday on a Thursday
Quiet time love sleep in I wake early

[Chorus:]
Honey brown wit the long black hair
Teasing me with a kiss and a stare
Slight touch and you taking me there
So fine and it just ain’t fair
So beautiful and so damn rare

[Verse 2:]
She’s angelic and energetic
Using sex as a weapon
I reckon that I’m confessing
Her body is just a blessing from God Down to earth
She needs to be in a church to prove that
We didn’t spawn from fish but God’s work
Hurts to see her clothed cause her body beholds
Secrets untold valued like platinum and gold
For she is the key to open my mind to see
The energy that radiates from the gates of heavenly bliss
I reminisce over touch and kiss
While you fucking a bitch I go make love to my miss
Never scandalous
It unanimous that the how i handled it
Lights off and candle lit rooms and glamorous
Yo I call you love sexual you look edible
Parallel snuggle up close intellectual
In a rendezvous who are you in wrap hairdo
No makeup in jean shorts open toe shoe
I wanna hold you mold ya soul I behold you
Know you better than myself never own you
But keep you never leave you
I beseech you
Gods gift to man is you wearing a see through
Riding Seadoos in Atlantic Ocean
Causing commotion
Lay you down going through the motions
Keep ya skin soft lotions got me coasting
Down pretty round brown thighs the candles low lit

[Chorus:]
Honey brown wit the long black hair
Teasing me with a kiss and a stare
Slight touch and you taking me there
So fine and it just ain’t fair
So beautiful and so damn rare

[Verse 3:]
Look at this agreeable
Delightful, delectable
Unforgettable
So sweet she may be edible
She needs a pedestal To step out of heaven you ready boo
Never hypothetical you factual and magical
Fuck theatrical
Baby girl because you actual
Physically your chemistry is so mathematical
Had to use academics to define your spirit
You lifting my limits
Your name off my tongue is a lyric
She’s a compilation of my minds representation
Of a representative
Representing an excellent revelation of time and dedication
Never impatient
She know the deal
Revealed herself to me
So I can see Her heavenly ways
Her heavenly gaze
And plus it don’t hurt that she has an ass for days
So as we lay I reminisce on the day that we met
Please god never let me forget

So…here I am again. Staring through the same window ive been looking through for the majority of my life. The song Simple Man puts it into words for me….”Take your time, Dont live too fast..” “All that you need now, is in your soul, and you can do this, if you try…all that i want for you my son, is to be satisfied…and be a simple kind of man, and be something you love and understand.” “dont you worry, youll find yourself, follow your heart, and nothing else….you can do this, if you tried…just be a simple kind of man.” Do i live a simple life? Do i follow my heart, and have i found myself? No…no not at all. I can figure anyone out that i meet within days…even minutes. But who is the hardest person for me to read? Myself. I dont understand myself at all. My biggest fear is never understanding the way i have been knitted…the way i have been made. Ive been looking my whole life for this answer…and ive yet to find it. Im happy with my life and where i am going and what i am doing….but im so unhappy with it all just the same. Do i hope for something that isnt there? Or do i already know the answer, and im not happy with it? Regardless of the answer…its driving me insane….literally insane. I cant find myself, and i hate it. How can i be so found…yet be so lost at the same time? Im not looking for an answer anymore…i just want my life back. Im tired of looking…i just want it back.

you ever thought that this would be the best solution to your problems? simple..here it is;

/ WRIST =GAME OVER

have a nice day…not really.

Well…here we go…takin a break from the work day….qualified on the 9mm yesterday. cant really say theres really anything exciting abou tit at all. i missed 3 targets…because i forgot to reload…yeah, my bad. Still got expert..but i still missed 3. *shrugs his shoulders* oh well. Im just kind of rambling on b/c im waiting for a certain someone to come online….and i know that if im not doing anything to occupy myself i will get up and leave…but i dont want to leave and miss her by 3 seconds…or 1 second at that. so…what to write about? Ah…rapid trauma asessment. Start at the head, and begin your bloodsweep…make sure you get underneath the person, just to make sure they arent bleeding through the back. Once youve done that from head to toe…start your focused assessment. Start at the head once again, check for battle signs and raccoon eyes, thus  eliminating the possibility of head trauma. Check for Cerebral Spinal Fluid draining from the ears…you can check by doing 2 things…dip gauze in it and if the blood is surrounded by a filmy liquid then youve got CSF..the other way is to taste it…its a sweet taste…but why and how someone found that out is beyond me. Move down to the neck…make sure there is no step off…and im going to stop right here b/c this is going to be quite a long post if i continue with this. Just dont get hurt…and i wont have to do it to you *smile*. Well…i am going to go now…although it pains me. Ill be back when i can.

I know, you love the song but not the singer
I know, you’ve got me wrapped around your finger
I know, you want the sin without the sinner
I know
I know

I know, the past will catch you up as you run faster
I know, the last in line is always called a bastard
I know, the past will catch you up as you run faster
I know
I know

I know, you cut me loose in contradiction
I know, I’m all wrapped up in sweet attrition
I know, it’s asking for your benediction
I know
I know

I know, the past will catch you up as you run faster
I know, the last in line is always called a bastard
I know, the past will catch you up as you run faster
I know
I know

I know, the past will catch you up as you run faster
I know, the last in line is always called a bastard
I know, the past will catch you up as you run faster
I know
I know.

Well…i have come upon something while looking at my AKO (Army Knowledge Online). I looked at my orders…and behold…they are sending me to Fort Riley Kansas, home of the 1st Infantry Division, AKA, the Big Red One. Well this has turned out to be an interesting surprise…deployment..here i come *smile*.

Hmm…pay attention to the words ive written…soak them in..

Hear my angel’s singing to me,
I just hope I’m hearing right,
Karma has me fearing life,
My friend are you praying for me?

See I have demons in my past,
So I’ve got children on the way,
If the prophecy’s correct,
Then the children have to pay,
For the sins of their father,
So I barter my tomorrows,
Against all of my yesterdays,
In hopes that she’ll be OK,
And when I’m no longer here,
To shade her face from the glare,
I’ll give her my share of my life and my Karma,
And a shiney new beach chair,

You see my physical’s a shell,
So when I say farewell,
My soul will find an even,
Higher plane to dwell,
So fly you shall,
So have no fear, just know that,
Life is but a beach chair,

Life is but a dream,
I can’t mimic my life,
I’m the thinnest cut slice,
But winter’s rough enough,
To interrupt a life,
That’s why I’m both,
Saint & sinner,

There’s no compromise,
No compass comes with this life,
Just eyes,
So to map it out,
You must look inside,
Sure, books can guide you,
But only your heart can define you,

This poem is like a Hallmark card,
Until you reach here,
So until she’s here,
And she’s declared,
The heir,
I will prepare,
A blueprint for you to print,
A map for you to get back,
A guide for your eyes,

Just so you know,

That life is but a beach chair…

This is probably the most…un traditional poem ive written…it dosnt follow most…umm…”tempos” if you will, of a normal poem. I like it…how about you?