December 21, 2011

May 18, 2010

  • Buying Time Just to Survive

    So, today while just in “the zone” as I call it, I realized something that I probably should have known a great time ago. This past week we had 3 Bombs go off in the middle of a Soccer match. The first one went on the field, the other two at the entrance(s), wounding 150+, killing 10+. You might have heard about it on the news, but if not then you were lucky. So we responded to it, we being the medics on site. I stayed back to man the TMC (Troop Medical Clinic), and make sure everything was set up. 

    My realization was this;

    I am not invincible.

    I know…everyone has to die someday, but is it not hard to think that something like that could possibly happen to you? It is a very harsh realization, almost like a knock-out punch, with you originally in denial about the punch actually hurting.

    What a wake up call.

    How long did it take you to realize that you were as fragile as they say?

May 13, 2010

  • Forgiving to be Forgiven

    So, life itself has me pondering again, mainly due to this song. I did not like this song at all until something lyrically sound stood out to me. I started the song over again and payed more attention to the meaning behind the words that were being spoken, and realized that this was actually a very good, journeying song. You can hear the hardship in his voice, in the way his emotions convey a reality that not too many of us know.

    So without further hesitation, I give you Manchester Orchestra’s I Can Barely Breathe:

    When the dark flood came
    we wrapped ourselves inside a dirty blanket
    Citing different opinions
    on whether we should move

    When the houses came
    they ate up everyone like they were fishes
    saying, “come on, come on
    its the end of the world”

    And then I saw your face
    You’re turning skin into a dirty secret
    I watched the beauties, watched the fire
    and the fire burn the beauty in their eyes

    When I took the blame
    we layed in ruins trying to quote your phrase
    we’re yelling, “someone’s got the answers,
    but I’d rather think there’s nothing to be found”

    If you knew I was dying would it change you?
    If you knew I was dying would it change?
    If you knew I was dying would it change you?
    If you knew I was dying would it change anything?

    So when you see me falling backwards down the wall that says I’m still alive,
    But don’t be cautious when I’m cautiously approaching on the other side
    Yeah, everybody has their reasons, that’s the reason we’re all gonna die

    Because if seeing is believing,
    then believe that we have lost our eyes

    ‘Cause when I fly solo, I fly so high
    When I fly solo, I fly so high
    When I fly solo, I fly so high
    When I fly solo, I fly so high, I fly so high
    Don’t touch me now.

    You will have to listen to the song to get the full emotional output. Tell me what you think it all implies.

May 11, 2010

  • Sooo…..Giddieness is apparently genetic.

    Anyone out there ever felt the need to just do something completely “not you”? Like, you are not known for doing out of whack things, but you caught yourself in the middle of doing something of that nature?

    Yeah I do that all the time.

    But does that mean that it actually isn’t something that I would not do? Does that mean that those “out of whack” moments are part of the very being that makes me?

    I dunno…you tell me.

    I mean, I climbed on top of a little cement bunker today with a satellite dish on top of it, just to jump down and scare my buddy.

    Fail.

    Well…not the jumping down part…but the scaring part was a complete failure. Especially after I nearly dove head first into a CHU, Containerized Housing Unit….yeah I live in a box right now…it’s Iraq get off me. So the scaring was replaced by laughter…and making people laugh is what I am good at as well……

    So was it a complete failure?

January 1, 2010

  • Redementing the Brain

    So today I experienced my first viewing of a 7 year old smoking a cigarette. It was quite interesting, seeing as how he just walked up to me and smiled as he took a drag. I don’t know if he was doing it for giggles, but it sure surprised the hell out of me! I guess the standards over here in Iraq are not quite sane….then again its not like the standards in the states are much better lol.

    I turned 23 yesterday. Yeah the 2nd year that I have been out of the states to celebrate a birthday. It feels no different than it did all last year. Oh well, I guess the ailments of human kind will eventually catch up to me.

    Well, have a good day/night, wherever you may be in this world. Signing off,

    Kris

December 29, 2009

  • Lack of Symbiance

    So today I was thinking to myself once again. Yeah I know, life makes me do that sometimes. Anyways, thinking to myself.
    In my brain, I seemed to stumble upon something that I had always thought about, but never quite put into words. That said, brace yourself, because this is about to get bad. And never mind the lines in between the points. Xanga would self correct and make the points directly next to each other, so I had to add something in between.

    .———.

    .———.

    Ok see that? That would be a square, with four points.

    1.——-2.

    3.——-4.

    Better? Ok so now that we have the points…er…pointed out, think about this for a second. When you draw a line, like so
    __________
    You have a beginning, and an end. Point 1 and point 2, right?
    1________2
    So, what happens when you start at point 1, run to point 2, then run back to point one? It would look something like this.
    1.______________2._____________1.
    Start>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>End>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Start
    Now, when counting these points, Start being the beginning point, End being the ending, or turn around point, you would count it as such;
    1_______________2______________3
    Start>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>End>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Start
    1 being the start of your race, 2 being your turn around point, 3 being the Start/Finish line, correct? Take a look at that square again with the same principle that I have just explained to you.

    A Square:
    .———.

    .———.

    Has 4 Points, counting top left clockwise:
    1.——–2.

    4.——–3.

    Now that same square has 4 sides, correct? 1—2, 2—3, 3—4, 4—???

    How does the 4th point connect back with point 1, without making a 5th point in itself? Go ahead, draw 4 points on a piece of paper. Now, starting from point 1, connect the dots to make the sides of your square, counting them as you go, like this;

    1——–2——–3——–4——–1
    —line——line—–line——line

    In order to make the 4th side, you have to connect back with the dot in which you started from. It is physically impossible to just not connect point 4 and 1 together in order to make the square complete. It is also impossible to just start drawing the line from point one, not actually counting it, like so;

    0——–1——–2——–3———4
    —line——line—–line——line

    That would be completely absurd, seeing as you cannot NOT have a starting point to begin the shape. This can be done with any shape ever known in Mathematics.

    Think about it, and maybe you can shed some light onto this most puzzling matter for me.

    Azariah

December 27, 2009

  • Sour Memories

    A Day To Remember: If It Means Alot To You.

    And hey darling
    I hope you’re good tonight
    And I know you don’t feel right when I’m leaving
    Yeah I want it but no I don’t need it
    Tell me something sweet to get me by
    ‘Cuz I can’t come back home till they’re singing

    La, la la la,la la la
    ‘Til everyone is singing

    If you can wait till I get home
    Then I swear to you
    That we can make this last
    (La la la)
    If you can wait till I get home
    Then I swear come tomorrow
    This will all be in the past
    Well it might be for the best

    And hey sweetie
    Well I need you here tonight
    And I know that you don’t want to be leaving me
    Yeah you want it but I can’t help it
    I just feel complete when you’re by my side
    But I know you can’t come home ’til they’re singing

    La, la la la,la la la
    ‘Til everyone is singing
    La, la la la,la la la

    If you can wait till I get home
    Then I swear to you
    That we can make this last
    (La la la)
    If you can wait till I get home
    Then I swear come tomorrow
    This will all be in the past
    Well it might be for the best

    You know you can’t give me what I need
    And even though you mean so much to me
    I can’t wait through everything
    Is this really happening

    I swear I’ll never be happy again
    And don’t you dare say we can just be friends
    I’m not just some boy you can sway
    We knew it’d happen eventually

    La, la la la,la la la
    Now everybody’s singing
    La, la la la,la la la

    So, while listening to this song, I came upon a realization of something. Of what that something is, I have no idea. Have you ever felt that way before, like, you are sitting there listening to a song or something of that nature, and it just hits you. You just sit there, day-dreaming about absolutely nothing, but there is something in that particular song that just….hit you. Like it just threw a curve ball at you that you never expected. You hear something in the song that stands out to you, and you lose all consciousness to reality and are focused on the object directly in front of you…yet you cannot figure out what had hit you so hard.

    Well, now you know what I had just experienced. Although it really isn’t anything relevant to any subject or matter at hand, I just felt like I should share it.

    Cheers,
    Azariah

June 14, 2009

  • I am back…for the hundredth time now.

    This is going to be where I pour my heart out for now on. Facebook, Myspace….all those sites are a little TOO public, you know? All of my poems, my thoughts, my tears, my heart…will all be poured into this site now. For those who are still faithful friends of mine, or those who are just reading for input or advice (giving or taking), I thank you. Your comments are welcome, your thoughts are enjoyed. Please, sit down. You are welcome here.

    So my first entry is as follows;

    After my tour in Korea (more so because of what happened), I had fallen away from the Lord. I would not listen to a thing that anyone was telling me about God. I felt as if He had abandoned me…left me out in the rain without a jacket and someone to keep me warm. I felt so, so helpless. I didn’t even listen to those placed around me when they were speaking the obvious. My life had turned into shambles….

    And I was depressed because of it.

    I had lost my best friend. I had lost respect from those I had earned it from. I lost my morals, and my character. I was just…lost. And only I was to blame for the faults I had acquired. But I didn’t see it that way. It was all God’s fault. It was “unfair” because I “deserved” better that what I had received.

    You see, my friends, you cannot work your life for God based on good deeds. That is exactly what I had done, and I paid for it. I was out doing the very best I could, for the wrong reasons. I wanted to make my church proud. I wanted to make my family proud. But who did I forget that I was doing all this for?

    God.

    I was doing it all for myself, all just so I could get a little approval from the people who had taught me, and had seen me grow in the Lord. Do I regret it? No. I do not. Do you know why I do not regret something like that?

    Because the Lord taught me through that experience. I had given up on Him, and He still never left my side. I spit in his face, yet He still embraced me as his child. And for that, I am eternally grateful. I love you all, and I pray that you will find comfort and safety withing Him in your lives.

    Your friend,
    Azariah.

March 10, 2009

  • Im Leaving Xanga.

    Alright ladies and gentlemen…I am getting rid of my xanga account and will no longer be reachable from this site. This goes for Friendster and Facebook as well. The only site you can reach me on is Myspace. I will be getting rid of this account at the end of this month.

    Kris

February 13, 2009