After my tour in Korea (more so because of what happened), I had fallen away from the Lord. I would not listen to a thing that anyone was telling me about God. I felt as if He had abandoned me…left me out in the rain without a jacket and someone to keep me warm. I felt so, so helpless. I didn’t even listen to those placed around me when they were speaking the obvious. My life had turned into shambles….

And I was depressed because of it.

I had lost my best friend. I had lost respect from those I had earned it from. I lost my morals, and my character. I was just…lost. And only I was to blame for the faults I had acquired. But I didn’t see it that way. It was all God’s fault. It was “unfair” because I “deserved” better that what I had received.

You see, my friends, you cannot work your life for God based on good deeds. That is exactly what I had done, and I paid for it. I was out doing the very best I could, for the wrong reasons. I wanted to make my church proud. I wanted to make my family proud. But who did I forget that I was doing all this for?

God.

I was doing it all for myself, all just so I could get a little approval from the people who had taught me, and had seen me grow in the Lord. Do I regret it? No. I do not. Do you know why I do not regret something like that?

Because the Lord taught me through that experience. I had given up on Him, and He still never left my side. I spit in his face, yet He still embraced me as his child. And for that, I am eternally grateful. I love you all, and I pray that you will find comfort and safety withing Him in your lives.